Strange Side Effects

I don’t have swollen feet. I didn’t have months of terrible morning sickness. I haven’t been dizzy or faint, or plagued by several of the stereotypical side-effects of pregnancy, especially in the third trimester. Perhaps that’s because it’s just not my body’s style to go with something so mainstream. No, instead I have been diagnosed with Valsalva Retinopathy. Two words that hadn’t entered my vocabulary until now.

On Saturday morning, I woke up with a blind spot in my vision, specifically in my right eye. I figured if I ignored it, it would just go away, but by 9pm it was still there. The same shape and size, annoyingly in my way. That’s when I hit the computer and started researching, which is never a good idea when you have absolutely no handle on the field of medicine. After calling the midwife and ruling out preeclampsia, I scheduled an eye appointment Monday.

I went to a nearby ophthalmologist because I don’t have an eye doctor. I don’t have an eye doctor because I don’t wear glasses or contacts, nor have I ever had any eye problems, which was pretty obvious by my excessive flinching every time the ophthalmologist got anywhere near my eyes. After my check-up, he referred me to a retina specialist that same day. A very apologetic me with dilated eyes headed downtown for round two.

Round two was a nightmare. So many drops, bright lights, poking, prodding. Even the pictures covering the exam room walls were disturbing real life renderings of corneas and capillaries. I wondered where they’d managed to find a calendar covered in creepy eyeball pictures.

When all was said and done, the specialist brought me to another room and said he’d return to explain his diagnosis and go over the photos. Then, I realized as other younger staff members entered the room and stood around, that this must be pretty interesting.

The specialist returned to explain and show everyone in the room including me, that intra-abdominal pressure from the pregnancy had helped cause a retinal hemorrhage. It was most likely brought on by a simple cough, and will probably resolve itself after I have the baby. He showed me the photo collage of my eyeball, pointing out the hemorrhage. I have to admit, while it was as disturbing as those photos on the wall, it was also kind of cool. Maybe I’ll even make next year’s calendar.

I’ve taken the liberty of making a rendering of what the inside of my eye looks like, for those of you who are interested in the science behind what’s going on in my eyeball and would like a visual aid.

Overall, in the past nine months I’ve been on more doctor visits than the past 20 years, and have seen and learned more about my insides than I’d retained from any biology class. While this latest adventure was a little scary, I’m still confident that I will get through the last obstacle of labor and delivery just fine. Even if I have to do it practically blind-folded.

The Final Countdown

4… 3… 2… 1…

That’s all that’s on my mind as we embark on week 36! I can now technically be considered “full term,” so we will have weekly appointments until the big day in just four weeks! (hopefully)

Drew and I have nearly everything we feel we need for our little guy’s arrival, and we’re working on assembling, installing and arranging it all. Soon, I’ll have to pack a bag for the hospital just in case.

It’s so exciting/slightly terrifying to think about how close we are to holding our son.

Will things ever be the same again?

It’s the final countdown.

https://youtube.googleapis.com/v/9jK-NcRmVcw&source=uds

Baby Shower!

Drew and I have been showered with love and gifts for our little superhero!

His sister hosted wonderful superhero-themed baby shower this weekend, complete with pinball, Nintendo Wii, and kryptonite punch!

We loved spending time with friends and family, and with plenty of wonderful presents for baby boy, we can’t wait to put them to use in just 5 more weeks!

Happy Holidays!

We hope everyone had a wonderful holiday this year! We are so excited for what the new year will bring with just six weeks until our due date. Until then, we’re enjoying our time together and gearing up for the little one… literally. Baby boy received so many generous gifts this Christmas! With a new car seat, stroller, and a collection of adorable clothes, we are almost ready to bring him home, although I’m pretty sure Drew’s new least-favorite phrase is “some assembly required.” He spent half a day putting together a 3,000-piece dresser from Ikea (because you can’t be a dad until you can follow instructions in Swedish) and we still have a few more items that will require some nuts and bolts before they can be deemed safe to hold, carry or entertain our infant.

Baby boy is anxious to stretch his legs, but I think he’s going to give us the time we need to get ready for him to arrive.

The Ring of Fire

Drew and I have been attending a class for new parents with our midwife practice, and this week’s session was eye-opening to say the least. Actually, I may have preferred closing my eyes. This week we discussed the stages of labor, complete with videos.

Watching each stage of labor including the grand finale, I was also struck by how long the whole process takes. Drew and I will most likely be at home during early labor when contractions begin, managing the pain using techniques we learned in class until we can be admitted to the hospital. That stage can take anywhere from 6 to 12 hours. It sounds mind-bogglingly long, but we have a plan.

To pass the time, we will be watching The Hobbit, which I hear runs about 6 to 12 hours depending on your sound system and the megapixels in your TV. If early labor exceeds the average or The Hobbit turns out to be shorter than expected (only a slight chance when Peter Jackson’s involved) we’ll just turn it into a marathon, relieving the stress and pain with quotes like:

I figure this approach will not only provide much-needed distraction, but also motivation. If a tiny hobbit can make it to Mordor, I can get through labor.

Heartburn and a Head of Hair

I officially have 8 months of pregnancy under my very tight belt, and so far I think I’ve been very lucky with regard to symptoms. The level of discomfort since my first trimester has been minimal, minus one thing: heartburn.

I’d never had heartburn before pregnancy, but now it is non-stop. Every moment I’m not eating, my throat is burning, regardless of what I eat or drink. Finally this week, I decided to try something to make it stop.

A member of our parenting class mentioned her friend had tried a teaspoon of apple cider vinegar and that did the trick. So when I saw a bottle of apple cider vinegar in the grocery store a few days later, I bought it. How bad could it be? Vinegar’s not terrible and I love apple cider. Without any research, second opinion or second thought, I poured the vinegar into a teaspoon and swallowed.

What I felt during the next 15 seconds is nearly indescribable. I’m pretty sure what I really drank was a mislabeled bottle of gasoline or molten lava because my stomach caught on fire immediately. My eyes watered as I yelled to Drew, “This was a mistake!” and ran to the bathroom. Technically, I guess it worked because I wasn’t bothered so much by the heartburn anymore. I later researched the home remedy and it turns out, you’re supposed to dilute the vinegar. Lesson learned.

When it comes to pregnancy, there seems to be an old wives tale about everything, so of course having heartburn has significant meaning. People say that it means your baby will have a full head of hair! This common assumption may actually have more meaning than others, after a few studies have proven strong correlations.

The good news- my baby will probably be born with a thick head of dark-brown hair.

The bad news- it might stick straight up. Like mine did:

We’re going to need plenty of hats.

6 Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman

During the past 31 weeks, I’ve gained a new perspective on pregnancy, society’s expectations and treatment of expectant mothers, and so much more. I never anticipated the things I would learn about my own body and what I’m capable of, or the simple things I used to take for granted or ignore. Now, when I go places, things like proximity to a restroom and comfortable seating have to be taken into account. Simple gestures like opening a door for me or offering a chair are doubly appreciated. Many people, even strangers, are quick to offer help or a quick congratulations. Some are less sensitive. Hence, the following list I’ve compiled of statements people have actually said to me. Yes, to my face.

The Top 6 Things You Shouldn’t Say to Pregnant People:

6. “Wow! You’re huge!” To which I will respond in kind with an enthusiastic and cheerful, “Thanks! You too!” After all, it would be rude not to reciprocate.

5. “You should probably lay off the beer.” The first time I heard this joke was from a random hot dog vendor at a hockey game. And yes, I’ve heard it multiple times.

4. “We should have cast you as Santa!” This festive little gem also came from a complete stranger. Hilarious.

3. “How is she today?” Usually said as an aside to someone else in the room while I am pretty sure I’m in an obvious conscious state with the ability to hear and see the environment around me, this reference to hormonal moodiness only makes me feel like I’m some sort of dementia patient.

2. “You’ll never sleep again.” Perhaps the most common and discouraging feedback I receive. Believe it or not, our decision to have a child was very premeditated. I’m familiar with the habits of babies. Besides, isn’t not sleeping how we got into this situation? I’m confident the joys of parenthood will outweigh the dark circles under my eyes.

1. “Sorry, we’re all out.” Let’s face it, these are words no one ever wants to hear. Whether it’s your favorite latte flavor, movie tickets, or tables at a restaurant. For some reason I think when you’re pregnant they come with an extra-heavy dose of disappointment. If you refrain from using any of the above phrases, make it this one.

Over the past couple of months I’ve also acquired a few new nicknames. Some of the highlights include Prego, Preggo-Eggo, Tons-of-Fun, Mama, and my personal favorite, “Lil’ Mama,” because it makes me feel like this girl:

http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/S5ck6TJQ5Ow&source=uds

Though some of these comments and nicknames may sound offensive or hurtful, don’t start wasting any sympathy on me. Five years in broadcast journalism gave me a very thick skin. I’ve been called much worse, and I am positive that all of the above were said out of love and support for someone they know is snarky enough to laugh it off and post it on a blog afterwards. Tons-of-Fun? It made me laugh the hardest. 🙂

Guilt-free Thanksgiving

It’s always been one of my favorite holidays, but this year I had the rare opportunity to enjoy Thanksgiving in a way I never had before– wearing maternity pants.

In what has become perhaps the most well-timed pregnancy in history, this year’s holiday season coincides with my third trimester. Bring on the turkey, the stuffing, the Christmas cookies, and the cocoa. I’m actually supposed to be gaining a pound a week. Don’t worry, I’ll throw some veggies into the mix, but can I really be blamed if our little boy ends up with one big sweet tooth?

Another benefit of being pregnant during the holidays- I get to make the “I think I ate too much” joke at least once every family gathering. Overall, it’s a great time of year to be “eating for two.” I’m not sure if I’ll ever get to experience it like this again. I’m certainly going to enjoy it while I can.

And, I might have to make a tradition out of the maternity pants.

Photo Shoot

Engagements and weddings are the kinds of moments you want to capture and hold on to forever, but more recently, the adventure of pregnancy has become a popular moment on that list as well, with countless couples opting for professional photo shoots to immortalize their baby while it’s still easy to get it to pose for a camera.

I’m not going to lie, I think most maternity photos are weird. When I think about them, images like this one come to mind:

No offense to this lovely couple or to anyone who chooses to do them, I’m sure you all look fabulous, but there’s something about taking photos with my husband as we stare wistfully at my stomach that just seems a bit forced. Maybe it’s because I’m used to a person’s face being the focal point of photos. Maybe it’s because it’s just not completely our style. Maybe it’s because on my wedding day I felt so beautiful I wanted visual proof of it for the future, and right now not so much.

Well, we did it anyway.

After looking at photo shoots on facebook and Pinterest (the most lethal of creative inspiration) Drew and I decided we should give it a try. How often do you get the opportunity? I did insist that we spend no money or extra effort, in the event that they turned out to be worthy of Awkwardfamilyphotos.com. Here’s a sample of the final product, shot by Drew’s tripod at a park down the street:

The Third Trimester Begins

Yesterday, Drew, the baby and I had our 28 week appointment. This marks a pretty big milestone in pregnancy because it’s the start of the third and final trimester- the home-stretch. In about three more months we will be holding our first child!

But before that happens, medical professionals like to test new parents-to-be by having them go through a series of challenges. The first 28-week challenge was one I’d heard about from formerly-pregnant friends and relatives, who must have satisfied the medical professionals’ standards because they are all now parents. It’s called the gestational diabetes screening. For some women, hormones in pregnancy cause insulin resistance, which makes it harder to process sugar. The test requires drinking an extremely sweet, tang-like drink, waiting an hour, and then giving away some of your blood so they can send it to a lab. (one of my very least favorite things)

From all of the accounts I’d heard, I was expecting to have to chug some sort of disgusting concoction that would be hard to keep down. Maybe it’s because I was an avid kool-aide drinker as a child, or because when given the choice my regular diet would consist of 90 percent sugar, but I found the drink absolutely delicious! It was no problem to defeat challenge #1: disgusting drink, and move on to the second challenge which I believe was specifically designed for people who defeated the first with too much ease, and have a paralyzing fear of needles.

My blood type is A negative. That means it doesn’t have something called an RH factor, which I would try to explain more specifically if the last biology class I’d taken was more recent than 10 years ago. Basically, if my blood mixes with my baby’s blood (like during labor) my body would see it as a foreign body and attack it. Usually this doesn’t pose a problem with a first child, but could impact all subsequent pregnancies. How do the medical professionals fix it? By sticking a big needle in my right hip. While Drew’s hand may be a little worse for the wear from my grip during the RhoGAM shot, I defeated the second task.

The great thing about this challenge-laden appointment is the ultrasound. I’m still amazed at what technology allows us to see and hear in there. This week, our baby boy is measuring about a week ahead of schedule at 3lbs 2oz. After 14 weeks, all babies grow at their own pace so this doesn’t mean he will come out a week early, although I wouldn’t protest.

Drew and I got to see his brain, his spine, the bones in his legs, and other indicators of his growth that all show he’s a healthy baby. He’s in the correct position for labor, so we hope he stays that way for the next three months.

While we were looking around in there, our baby boy showed a little of his personality, knocking right back at the ultrasound tech with his tiny balled up fists, and even smiling a little, which we tried to catch in this 3-d image. Seeing his face for the first time only makes me want to meet him sooner, but we’ll let him cook a little while longer.