I knew our beloved dog was nearing the end of his lifeline. For the last year, I’d been playing whack-a-mole with a variety of diseases and conditions, alternating meds depending on his symptoms and side effects, deciding which organ needed to be saved while others spared. He was fighting on all fronts. He was exhausted. 

A decade ago, we found him in a shelter labeled not with a name but a series of numbers. The vets estimated he was between four and six years old. We’ll never know his real birthday or what he’d been through to get there but we know he was a tough dog with a soft heart. A desert dog. 

Max was one of a kind. In the 10 years he spent as a member of our family, I’d brought home two human babies that quickly turned into rambunctious boys and he tolerated their shenanigans from day one, sticking by my side loyally. We joked he was my shadow. He was kind and cuddly, always leaning into a good pet or curling up on the couch or beside the fireplace. He loved long walks, sitting in the yard and enjoying the sunshine.

Max left us in one hour’s time. On his own terms, outside just after eating breakfast. He’d declined quickly in the previous week, but all of the sudden he’d perked up, picking up his old habits of greeting me at the door and asking for more food. We had our old dog back and then just as quickly he was gone. He was saying goodbye.

We thought carefully about how to tell the boys. I’d be calm, collected, comforting. The portrait of stability. I was not. And at first, I felt it was a parenting failure. I sobbed, and my sweet boys ended up comforting me instead of the other way around. Thinking more about it now, at least they learned that even grown-ups can have big feelings. That it’s okay to be sad. And, that there are few things in this world that can’t be solved by salt water. Sweat, tears, waves in an ocean. We’ve had plenty this summer.

We said goodbye to Max as a family and returned him to the desert. The sun beamed down on a dry July day. One only needs a few drops of water to make a rainbow.

I never thought I’d be the big vacations mom. I’m a firm believer that kids don’t need a lot of flashy entertainment or extravagant trips. Their imagination and sense of wonder can make any place extraordinary.

But I love to travel.

And there’s nothing that says just because you’re a mom you have to give up the things you love. The way I see it, being a mom adds more to the things that you love!

Vacationing with kids can be challenging. We’ve had screaming babies on flights and ill-timed fevers and meltdowns and tantrums. Even on this trip to Maui, there was one hike that Little Bro wasn’t a fan of. He whined and complained down the picturesque hill of lava rocks before we marveled at the tiny creatures in tide pools. At the end of the day he said it was a pretty cool place. We’ve learned that most bumps in the road can be overcome with a snack or a short break or fun game of red light green light.

At nine and six, the boys can do so much more than “tag along.” We rode the waves, snorkeled with sea turtles, swam under waterfalls, and even enjoyed a chocolate farm tour and tasting! The boys sat on high stools in a treehouse, weighing their opinions on chocolate flavors with the rest of the guests.

So yes, I’m a big vacations mom. I’m a big vacations mom because I loved to travel before I was a mom; I just do it now with kids. The fact that they have a great time too just adds more to the things that I love.

It’s teacher appreciation week and nothing inspires more appreciation for teachers than chaperoning an early elementary school field trip.

Today, I accompanied little Bro and his classmates while they discovered the Phoenix Children’s Museum. A three-story building with rooms full of hands-on activities; the excitement was palpable, the smiles were bright, and the volume was LOUD.

Last year, I traveled to the dinosaur museum with Big Bro and his then second-grade class, supervising a group of seven boys, trying to make sure I kept track of them all while also keeping them out of trouble in a facility that included a replica gold mine complete with running water and dark tunnels.

Though the school day is two hours shorter than my work day, after just one shift caring for a gaggle of enthusiastic children in a public space, I’m ready for a nap.

Teachers are heroes, magicians, and some of the kindest and most patient humans I’ve ever met. Little Bro’s teacher kneels to greet each child at eye level as they walk into class for the day, giving each one a special moment of her undivided attention. 

As the school year comes to a close for us in Arizona, I’m so appreciative of the teachers who extend our village, doing so much more than educate our kids. And, I’m thankful to be able to join if only for just one day as a chaperone, with my boys who still want to share everything they do in school with their mom. I’ll hold onto it as long as I can.

I remember when Little Bro learned to walk. He took two steps away from his push-car in the driveway, and nervously scrambled back to the safety of its handles. Two hours later, he was running around our kitchen chasing his older brother.

When he was a toddler, I took him to mommy and me swim classes. We practiced in the neighborhood pool and he swam comfortably in the safety of his puddle jumper until he was in preschool. One summer, we went to the pool and I was ready to put on his floats when he said “I don’t need that anymore. I can swim now.” I stood near him in the water while he swam on the stairs and soon he was swimming the length of the pool independently.

When he was four years old, he got a bike with training wheels. At five, we encouraged him to try learning to ride his bike without them, and each time I offered to remove his training wheels he said he wasn’t ready. Until one night, after bedtime, wearing a Stormtrooper costume, he told us he wanted them off. He giggled as he took off down the sidewalk, and he’s been riding around ever since.

Little Bro takes in everything. He waits until he can execute a new skill perfectly. And he does so on his own terms.

So why did I think reading would be any different?

I started teaching him when he was in preschool and he picked it up so quickly I was shocked. Even sight words and compound words came easily to him, but there was one catch- he didn’t want to do it. When Big Bro was that age, he’d persevere through beginner books and earn a sticker upon completion. He’d read them again and again. Little Bro had to be coaxed into one book at a time. He breezed through and never picked it back up. When he started kindergarten, he only brought home picture books from the library.

“You can ask the librarian to show you some more challenging books,” I said. He’d shrug and reassure me that he liked the pictures.

Kindergarten reading homework turned into arguments and stalling tactics and frustration. I knew he could do it. He just didn’t want to. I almost came to terms with having one reader, and one child who preferred anything else.

Then came a trip to the used bookstore in Tucson with his older cousins. As we browsed the kids section, he laid his eyes on the Captain Underpants series. Full of potty humor and wacky illustrations, it was just the right combination to spark his interest and he asked for not one- but two of the books to take home. He finished them both within the next 48 hours.

It wasn’t that he disliked reading. He just hadn’t found the right book.

Just when I think I’ve reached most of the parenting milestones, another one hits me like a ton of bricks.

For nearly nine years, we’ve been lucky enough to live next door to an amazing family. Big Bro was just about two when we met, and their daughters were just a bit older. We’d go to the neighborhood park, hang out on the front lawn, and invite each other over for birthdays. Before we knew it, theirs was a family of six and ours of four. Her son and Little Bro are just months apart. All of the kids play together almost every day, riding bikes, selling lemonade, pretending school, and most recently building worlds of their own in Minecraft. Their daughter was Big Bro’s first friend. She’s one of his best friends.

And two weeks ago, they moved.

They say having a child is like having your heart on the outside of your body. I watched Big Bro help his friends pack their things. I watched as his heart- my heart- broke. It’s the first time he’s experienced such a big change in a friendship like this. They won’t be knocking on the door shortly after getting home from school. Five kids won’t be sauntering through my kitchen for granola bars or darting in to get more toys to take outside. While I’m bummed about it too, nothing compared to the gut-punch of seeing my son feel that pain. I held him while he cried. I let him be sad. I handed him a pencil and paper.

As parents, we’d love for our kids to feel nothing but happiness, but that’s just not the case. I can’t put a band-aid on it and make it all better.

Thankfully, our neighbors are moving a mere three miles away. While it won’t be the same, we’ll still find a way to play.

Right after the holiday season, I find myself taking inventory of the clothes and toys we no longer need and cleaning house to make way for whatever new trends capture the attention of these two energetic, curious boys. As I stood in our playroom, looking at a 2-foot-tall plastic Paw Patrol tower and thinking of all the space it would free up in our closet, I realized we’d probably seen the last of Chase, Marshall, Sky and their adventures. Now it’s all dragons, Minecraft and Jedi.

We celebrated both of their birthdays with more than 20 other children from their kindergarten and third grade classes, all armed with inflatable lightsabers running around our Regional Park. It was loud, it was chaos. It was a blast. They hardly needed our intervention, just the occasional bottle of Gatorade or slice of pizza between sprints to and from the jungle gym with their friends. Still wrapped in their imagination, but capable of articulating and elaborating their own world with one another, their ages are so fun.

We sang them into years nine and six, which I’m sure will bring unique challenges just like every other phase, but with it also comes the joy of watching them develop stronger friendships, hone their talents, and learn every day. They opened their gifts of Pokemon, Star Wars and Minecraft-themed toys. Not a member of the Paw Patrol in sight. Though the tower still sits in our playroom closet just in case the neighbor visits. We’ll free up the space eventually.

At age nine, Big B loves to cook, play with friends, ride his bike, play guitar and basketball, and read. He dislikes going to bed and turning off video games.

At age six, Little B loves desserts, playing with friends, building legos, arts and crafts, drawing, and soccer. He dislikes going to bed and homework.

With the holidays behind us, parents often face an influx of toys this time of year as they find space for new arrivals and new homes for whatever’s been outgrown. Over the years, we’ve found there are some types of toys we love to have around. Not only do these toys entertain for hours, but they enhance learning and discovery as well. Here are my top five learning toys you may want to keep out of the donation bin while spring cleaning:

Building Toys:

Our number one is of course Legos, but we also love tinker toys, megablocks, and kits like marble mazes or just classic blocks! If you rotate, these are easy to store and change out to keep your child’s interest year-round.

Science Toys:

Any kit designed by National Geographic. We’ve done rock tumbling, crystal growing, fossil digging, and more. We also love Insect Lore for real-life biology lessons detailed in this previous post.

Tech Toys:

Code-a-Mouse and Snap Circuits have been our favorite toys when it comes to learning the basics of computer science in a fun way. Our five-year-old is starting to get really good at coding the mouse to go through mazes he creates!

Pretend Play Toys:

Even as the boys are getting older, pretend play is still one of their favorite past-times. Now, they usually include star wars costumes and lightsabers, but they still utilize some of our basics when roaming the yard or the neighborhood on a mission. This includes binoculars or magnifying glasses, construction tools like shovels or small hammers, or medical supplies like stethoscopes or “bandages” for injured stuffed animals.

Creative Toys

Play dough, kinetic sand, and now modeling clay are popular activities that can keep the boys independently busy for hours. We also keep art supply bins of markers, crayons, pipe cleaners, pom-poms and other supplies that allow for endless possibilities. Perler beads are the most recent favorite, but I’d recommend getting the bead sweeper to help with clean-up.

One of my favorite memories from my childhood was driving around our neighborhood streets, looking at all of the Christmas lights. It was well before the the days of the Light Fight shows and the musically-timed flashing bulbs. One street went all out, and it was always a treat to see our favorite homes lit up each year with familiar decorations.

Since the boys were toddlers, we’ve done a tour of our own neighborhood. I’d bundle them up and pull their wagon around the block as they sang songs and pointed out their favorite houses. This year, we’ve “leveled up” in many ways. Big B helped set up our Christmas tree, lifting and positioning it into place. I was even able to bring out the breakable ornaments again and trust Little b to hang them himself. They’re both too big for the wagon now, which has been gathering dust in our garage.

Our neighborhood light tour leveled up too. Instead of our leisurely wagon stroll, we donned glowing accessories, grabbed the neighborhood friends and went on a 1-mile bike ride light tour!

There are moments I miss the bundled toddlers snuggled in a wagon, or the quiet awe of their faces lit with holiday glow for the first time. But when I saw my five-year-old pedal his fastest with a smile on his face, or heard the giggles and chatter of my eight-year-old and his friends as they stopped to “judge” every house, I didn’t miss the wagon at all. It was heavy anyway.

Our new neighborhood light tour suits me just fine.

When it comes to Legos, the boys have become masters, just like their current favorite show. They can spend hours in the playroom, digging through bins for pieces, creating spaceships, droids, houses, characters, scenes, elaborate storylines and anything else they imagine. I love it. I embraced their love of Legos, springing for new sets and even decorating the playroom with Lego Movie posters and brick decals.

But it’s not all love. Any parent can tell you the indescribable pain that is stepping on a Lego. Or the absolute futility of keeping pieces organized, sets together, or finding the one piece you need when you need it. Lego bricks spill in the hundreds off the designated “Lego Table” I created on the backside of their train table, onto the floor and under the couch and into the hallway. I routinely find lego mini figures in the laundry or in the cupholders of our car.

As for springing for those sets, we now own 54. How do I know? Because in the endless debate over the best way to store pieces and instructions, I decided to digitize all of the instructions in a shared spreadsheet they can use whenever they want. It may be the most type-A thing I’ve ever done. It took weeks. It was eye-opening to discover how many Legos we actually own. So. Many. Legos. And do I have an unopened Lego advent calendar in the closet waiting for December 1st? Of course I do.

Last night, the boys rushed into our room with their most recent Lego creations, bursting with excitement over the fleet they engineered, each ship with moving parts and seats for pilots. All of the tediousness melts away as they chatter about their designs, revealing the value of this unique and timeless toy. A house full of Lego is a house full of joy. Until the day is done, they’re fast asleep, the house dim and quiet… and I step on another lego.

Big B and little b have logged thousands of miles on planes, trains and automobiles. Their first cross-country trip was at just three months old. With half our family living on the east coast, we’ve got travel down to a routine, and our boys have become the best travel buddies.

Over the years, we’ve had every traveling snafu imaginable, from delays to lost luggage to missed connections. Here’s what we’ve learned works for our family to make travel as smooth as possible:

1. Sleep on the Plane: Because a cross-country trip takes about five hours of flying and a three-hour time zone change, we’ve learned to let the boys stay up until the red eye. They usually fall asleep right after takeoff and wake up during landing, with enough excitement and activity planned to fuel them through day one and make for an easier time zone adjustment. Noise canceling headphones made this easier as infants. Now, they can conk out anywhere!
2. Pack Snacks: When it comes to traveling with kids, tummies don’t change time zones and sometimes meals on-the-go can be a challenge. We don’t leave the house without a backpack full of their favorite protein bars and their water bottles. It stops those hangry meltdowns before they start.
3. Activity Books: Whether it’s waiting at an airport terminal or for a table at a restaurant, activity books and magazines come in handy for those in-between moments when kids get the wiggles. A few word searches, mazes or coloring pages can become a welcome distraction and hold them over during down time.
4. Travel Light: I’ll never forget the first time we flew across the country with our then three-month-old baby, Big B. Drew and I pulled up to the airport with a carseat, stroller, pack-n-play, luggage, diaper bag, and camera bag. That was the first and last time we traveled with so much stuff! Most hotels provide pack-n-plays or cribs, we swapped the hefty stroller for an umbrella stroller and ergo baby carrier, and we rented a car seat with a car or had relatives pick one up at consignment. Nowadays, we bring nothing but backpacks, carry-ons and mi-folds for the boys in the event of a taxi ride. Less luggage means less luggage lost!
5. Plan for Their Pace: Vacations are supposed to be fun for the whole family. When we explore a museum, hike, or tour a destination, I make sure there are parts of the day where the kids take the lead at their own pace. If they want to stand and watch fish in one exhibit for 20 minutes, we let them. They’re learning and taking it all in. We also include them in the navigation process, having them read airport signs and lead us to the gate or find the proper subway route. Giving them the opportunity to do some of the “steering” often leads to the unexpected little moments that make the trip even more memorable.

We just returned from an epic Fall Break trip to DC and NYC. We loved spending time with family in both places, sightseeing, and exploring. We can’t wait for the next opportunity to take the best travel buddies on another adventure.