Pause

For about a month now I’ve been waking up, feeding Baby Bro, feeding myself, feeding Toddler B if he’s up, and then driving to the office to realize I forgot something (cell phone, breast pump, bottles, badge, the occasional no make-up day, and once I nearly left the house without shoes.) While at work, the boys have been having adventures at home with Drew’s parents or sister, depending on who is doing what that day. After work we get home, get dinner started and do a few chores, all while feeding, changing, rocking, wrangling, and whatever else it takes to get a three-year-old and three-month-old fed, clean and off to bed. Life as a family of four with two working parents is… busy.

It’s easy, especially in a sleep-deprived state, to slip into autopilot and zombie through the week. While my job keeps a good pace and variation, the routine of home can come and go like a commute. Sometimes you see your garage door opening and realize you don’t remember half the drive. A couple weeks ago as I walked into the house from that garage, I picked up a fussy baby boy and started rocking him to sleep while Drew started dinner. He fell asleep quickly and I got ready to put him into his crib. Then, I stopped.

I listened. Drew and Toddler B were happily working together in the kitchen to make dinner. The rest of the house was quiet. I thought about the laundry that needed folding, the pile of dirty dishes in the sink and the rest in the machine ready to put away. I thought about the toys all over the floor of the playroom. I looked at the sleeping baby in my arms, and I sat down.

I sat and rocked and watched his cute little face and his chubby little cheeks. He snuggled in, happy to be in mommy’s arms again. My phone was in my purse and nowhere near my mind. The laundry, dishes, and mess could wait. Dinner was at least 20 minutes away. I just sat there, holding my baby. He’s growing so fast it’s as if I could see it if I sat still long enough. Eventually, I placed him gently in his crib and joined the busy big boy and dad, started dinner and later, the dishes.

I’ve heard time goes by even more quickly with a second child and I can see why. We’re so busy with the first and with our lives, that we only really get to soak it all in if we think to stop. To hit pause. And sit still enough to watch our baby grow.

At four months, Baby Bro weighs 16lbs 15oz and is 26 inches tall.

He likes: to roll over onto his tummy, playing with his big brother, grabbing his pacifier, reading books, waking up, songs, the sound of the shower, and mommy and daddy.

He dislikes: when the dog shakes, and riding in the car.

Baby’s First Tour

With just a couple of weeks left of my maternity leave, we decided to take Baby Bro to my hometown to visit my side of the family. That’s right. We voluntarily packed up our three-year-old and 10-week-old and took them on a non-stop flight across the country. Ever hold your breath for four and a half hours? Well, it worked. They were both perfect angels!

Baby Bro got to meet his uncle, aunt, cousins, Papa, Nana, Grandmama, Buelo, and my grandmother, his “Grammy.” What a wonderful time he had snuggling and babbling at all of those doting grandparents! Meanwhile, Big Bro was having a blast with his cousins at the petting zoo, playground, play place, and more. I even got to celebrate my birthday with my mom’s angel food cake with chocolate frosting- a tradition I hadn’t experienced in a decade.

It was wonderful to spend time with family and friends, and a rare opportunity to get everyone in one beautiful photo:

Soon enough it was back to Arizona and for me, back to work. My maternity leave ended as Baby Bro turned three months old.

At three months, he likes: smiling, songs, being outside, trying to roll both ways, eating, being tickled, and his brother.

He dislikes: Being startled and garlic.

Rescuers, Train Wrecks and a Happy Spider

One of the most rewarding experiences as a mom and as a creative with a vivid imagination, has been witnessing the way toddler B’s imagination takes over. As a kid, I would’ve much rather played outside as a fairy or witch or power ranger than watch tv or play video games. B seems to be following suit, pretending the day away and making up elaborate storylines and characters to go with it. It’s been one of my favorite parts of being on maternity leave; watching as he creates his own world within our playroom. One moment he’s a firefighter spraying out the blaze on the sofa, the next he’s towing away wreckage from a train crash on his train table, or selling me vegetables in his grocery store.

He even has an imaginary friend. It’s an ironic one for a 3-year-old whose father has a bit of arachnophobia. B’s friend “Happy Spider” has been a part of our household for several months. It’s a small black spider, about the size of his hand. He joins us for meals, drives B’s toy cars around, rides with him on his bike, and takes naps when baby bro has to sleep. When he first arrived, I thought he slept with B, so I offered to tuck him in. B looked at me like I was crazy and replied “he’s at home in his cave.” I’ve since learned happy spider has a family of his own, but they haven’t been to our house. (Thank God, because I don’t know if we can take any more spiders, real or imaginary)

Sometimes Happy Spider even makes an appearance around friends who are non-imaginary. This week at the playground, B was playing with some new friends and I overheard him tell them that happy spider was coming too. I couldn’t help but notice it was Happy Spider who was afraid to climb all the way to the second level of the playground, not Toddler B. It reminds me of Big Bird and Snuffleupagus. I just hope this figment of B’s imagination stays imaginary!

Complications

First, I’d like to clarify, I’m very lucky. When it comes to breastfeeding, both of my boys latched right away, drank like they’re on the sidelines of an NFL game, and I haven’t had to supplement so far with Baby Bro, never had to in the year I nursed Toddler B. But anyone whose done it knows- breastfeeding is hard. Even for those for which it comes easy- it’s hard.

It’s a team sport where baby and momma work together in a game set by instinct and biology. For baby it means putting in demand for milk production before growth spurts and working hard to learn a brand new digestive system. For mom it’s eating healthy, eating enough, and drinking water like never before. Here in the desert, I get to double down on that last one. Which is why when I got food poisoning after five successful weeks of nursing, I got hit hard. A nursing baby is draining a moms fluid. When mom can’t even keep down water, that’s a big problem.

After 12 hours without being able to keep anything down, and losing nearly 5lbs, we made the decision to go to the ER so I could replenish some fluid and continue my breastfeeding journey. Ironically, after all that preparation and pain management to have a successfully needle-free labor and delivery; here I was hooked up to an I.V. With some anti-nausea meds and rehydration, everything went back to normal. Including my hungry baby boy.

At 8 weeks, baby is growing so quickly! He likes: being outside, his brother, smiling at mommy, listening to songs, playing with daddy, the octopus toy on his play mat, his cousins, and so much more!

He dislikes: tummy time, but he quickly solved that issue by learning to roll over!

Party of Four

To new mothers, they all say “sleep when the baby sleeps.” But what do you do when the baby is sleeping, and your 3-year-old baby is wide awake and running around the house playing chase with the dog, seconds from waking your baby baby? That, I’ve quickly learned, is life with two.

Baby Bro is one month old today and already making our noisy, hectic house feel more complete. His little coos, adorable expressions and sleepy snuggles have made me fall in love and it’s not just me. His older brother is absolutely infatuated! Toddler B wants to help whenever and however possible. He hands me clean diapers during changing, comforts him when he starts to cry, and doesn’t want to leave his side. It has made naptime very interesting, if nonexistent.

It hasn’t all been snuggles and cuddles. Toddler B is transitioning from being an only child to sharing the spotlight. Combined with the fact that he’s now officially a “threenager,” it means he’s taken negotiating to a new level. Every time I tell him “no” I catch a glimpse of his future as an attorney. Bringing home a newborn also means transitioning as parents from one potty-trained child who can articulate his every need, to diapering, crying and guessing- is he hungry? Sleepy? Gassy? Thankfully the answers to those questions come more easily the second time around.

We’ve been a family of four for one month now and though it takes a bit of adjustment, it feels as if we were always waiting for Baby Bro to arrive and multiply the happiness in our home.

At one month, Baby Bro likes: sleeping, playing on his play mat, listening to his brother sing songs, being outside, and snuggling.

He dislikes: garlic, we think.

It All Started with a Piece of Cake

When I look back on my labor and delivery with Toddler B, it’s with fond and proud memories. I went into labor on my due date, everything went according to plan and happened very quickly. I had him naturally, with no drugs as I had intended. It was beautiful.

As we ate B’s leftover birthday cake the night before my due date, I thought this labor and delivery would be just that- a piece of cake. I’d done it before, the second was “supposed” to be faster, and I’d felt so great all week I thought I might have a baby by the end of the weekend, but certainly not on my due date. What are the chances?

Then, a plastic plate hit the floor. It was the last piece of birthday cake, and without hesitating or thinking, I dove, nine months pregnant, to save a piece of cake from the dog like I was saving a child from oncoming traffic. I got up from the floor laughing hysterically at myself. Shortly after, I sent this text to my coworker: (pardon the autocorrect)

Funny, right? Well, about 10 minutes later I started feeling very unusual.

It was just past B’s bedtime when the real contractions started, but the pain was all in my lower back. By 1 a.m. they were 2 minutes apart, so we went to the hospital. When we arrived, I was only 2cm dilated so we walked around slowly for an hour, still contracting every 2-3 minutes with nearly unbearable pain in my back. I hadn’t progressed. The triage nurse mentioned that I was “posterior” but she wasn’t concerned because it was early. I was in so much pain I didn’t quite process what she was saying. Turns out, the baby was positioned with his head down, but facing the wrong direction, making it more difficult. It was around 5 a.m. and I still hadn’t progressed at all. I was waking up Drew to help get me through each contraction, which were becoming fewer and farther between but just as painful. I was exhausted and defeated. The nurse gave me a Lortab to ease the pain and sent us home. I spent 5am-8am sleeping between contractions, wondering if I could birth a posterior baby. Luckily, I had a scheduled appointment at 9:30am for my due date, so I knew I could see my midwife and get some answers.

Like a crazy person, I showed up to the office for my regularly-scheduled appointment, only instead of entering the building with some sense of composure, I was crying behind my sunglasses, trying not to make a scene in the waiting room while having contractions. I didn’t wait long because it turns out as soon as the front desk saw me they called a nurse. Everyone seemed more in the know than I was… when the midwife checked me I was 6cm. Time to finally go to labor and delivery! The midwife showed me a few tricks to turn the baby and after traumatizing those poor pregnant women in the waiting room on our way out with my wincing, breathing and moaning, we drove quickly right around the corner to the hospital where we were led straight into a delivery room. It was about 10am.

Contractions were strong and close together, but I still had about a 2-minute break in between and my water still hadn’t broken, which according to most movies and birth stories I’ve heard, meant I had a little time before the baby arrived. So, when I said, “I have to go to the bathroom,” the midwife told me to go ahead, but sit backwards in case I had a contraction so I could lean and breathe through it. Drew followed me and a nurse followed him, putting on her gloves. That’s when it happened- my water- right into the toilet. Not a second later the baby followed- thank God the nurse was there to catch! The midwife and the rest of the nurses ran into the bathroom to assist, shocked at the sudden arrival. For a baby who seemed in no rush to get here, he certainly waited for an opportune time… and location.

Baby Bryce was born at 11:59a.m. weighing 7lbs, 15oz and measuring 20.5 inches. We briefly considered naming him “John.”

The Worst Part of Being a Parent

With just a couple of weeks to go before we meet our exciting new addition, our family is already changing before my eyes. Toddler B will be three in just over a week, and recently I realized the one thing that is truly the worst part of being a parent.

It’s not the sleepless nights, the toddler tantrums, the battles over bedtime or the constant worrying. The worst part is a very different kind of unknown.

Last Thursday, B stopped napping. Usually on weekends he would consistently fall asleep in the car, I’d carry him inside on my shoulder and snuggle on the sofa, snoozing for an hour or two before snack time. He still looks like a baby when he’s asleep. Not just a blur of activity and motion and dirt and noise like he does during every waking hour. He’s safe and warm and comfortable in his mommy’s arms. But last Thursday, he stopped napping.

Maybe he’ll do it again on occasion after a busy day or while battling a cold, but I don’t know when that will be or if it will happen or how many times. I realized… the worst part of parenting is not knowing when it’s the last time, while you’re in the last time.

Someday I will nap with him on the sofa in my arms for the last time. It may have already happened. Someday I will carry him from the car for the last time, or help him use the potty, or put a band-aid on a hurt knee. On all of these occasions I will just go about the task routinely, unaware of the monumental privilege I may never have again. The last time will come and go, only for me to try to remember later when I realize there hasn’t been another.

They don’t tell us. We don’t get a notification. It’s not written down in a book of developmental milestones. There’s no fanfare or celebration or recognition. These moments just pass as part of life.

Soon I’ll be singing happy birthday to my baby boy. And welcoming another life that will be full of last times. Luckily for me we all still have so many firsts to look forward to.

Almost Ready

At 36 weeks, we’re officially a month away from our baby boy. After a pretty rough third trimester riddled with cold virus after cold virus because of my compromised immune system, I’m finally feeling normal again, or at least as normal as one can feel while carrying a bowling ball around in their stomach all day and night. I recently came to an agreement with my baby bump, that he’ll arrive at a time and date convenient with my busy schedule. After all, it’s the least he can do for putting me through all that discomfort.

So far, he’s holding up his end of the bargain as we get ready for his arrival and I wrap up our most important project of the year at work, as well as plan Toddler B’s third birthday party. I still have a few things to check off my list- install the infant car seat, pack a hospital bag, etc. But we recently completed one major transition that was essential for baby’s arrival- B’s big boy bed.

If there’s one pregnancy stereotype that’s true in my case, it’s nesting. I love getting the house ready for a new baby even if it means redesigning a toddler room instead of a nursery. Since we already have what we need for a baby from Toddler B, I was excited to take on the task of painting, planning and assembling everything in his brand new room. Don’t worry, I wore a medical mask while painting and I only lifted half a bed. Despite crazy looks from my

husband for being a little too ambitious for someone in their third trimester, we finished B’s new superhero room just in time for the
new year. He loves his new room and his new bed!

The nursery has been converted back into a true nursery with diapers and all, and is waiting for its new tenant.

At 36 weeks, baby boy weighs almost 6lbs and should be about 18 inches long (although the kicks in my ribcage indicate he may be as tall as his brother was.)

Santa is Coming to Town

The holiday season can be stressful even when you’re not carrying a bowling ball everywhere while planning for its arrival and chasing his older brother around. Every parent wants to create picture-perfect moments for their children, especially during this time of year. As a parent, you get to see the magic of Christmas come alive again through a child’s eyes. Participating in all of the traditions and activities can be so much fun! It can also be exhausting.

Between shopping, decorating, wrapping, and planning, I signed up for the annual “Breakfast with Santa” event at the community center. My family already had the perfect Christmas photo at the park for our holiday cards. Now, all of my friends were posting adorable Santa photos with their children on Facebook, and this would be a great opportunity to allow Toddler B to sit on his lap, talk about his Christmas list, and smile for a picture I could look back on years from now and admire his adorableness. In the past, our photos looked like this:

I just knew this was our year. With two Christmases under his belt, B would finally be comfortable enough to willingly sit and smile and receive a gift as a reward for his photogenic behavior. The event included breakfast, crafts, cookie-decorating, and or course, a meeting with Santa.

There we were, watching family after family lead their children up to Santa, snap a photo and create that perfect moment- tiny people in tiny sweaters sitting on the big guy’s lap, smiling with joy. Soon, it was our turn. We escorted our toddler to the platform on which Santa was perched. But that’s as far as we got. As we bent down to pick him up, Toddler B wrestled out of our arms, practically tearing off his own shirt in the process. He ran across the room, unable to be convinced or swayed. “No!” he said, with a decisiveness well beyond his two years. He never got close enough to sit on a lap, talk about his Christmas list, or get that pinterest-worthy photo. We calmed him down and sat back at our table and decorated cookies. He had a great time and it didn’t matter that the point of it all had been missed.

In reality, I’m the one who missed the point. If all of this effort was for him to make holiday memories and have fun, what did it matter that I didn’t get to post a perfect photo? On the plus side, I don’t have to worry about him getting kidnapped by a guy in a red suit with a white beard.

Later in the week, we started a new holiday tradition. In lieu of the annual “Santa photo” we’re going to do a letter. I helped him write his first one. He wants three very specific hot wheels cars from the movie, “Cars.”

Of course the best gift will come 8 weeks later.

Last Trip as a Family of Three

In just three months, our family of three will become a family of four! I am officially in my third trimester and still feeling very well, although it’s getting increasingly difficult to tie my shoes.

Bringing a new addition to the family comes with a few mixed feelings. We are of course ecstatic about our new baby, but juggling an infant and a toddler will have its challenges. Before we add to the chaos, we wanted to take some quality time to enjoy our little family of three. So, we packed up our Highlander and headed to the happiest place on Earth- Disneyland!

Toddler B was beside himself with joy meeting Mickey Mouse, driving a car in the Autotopia ride, seeing the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse show live, and so much more! There’s nothing like going to a place like Disney and seeing it through the eyes of a child. The experience was truly magical. But, we didn’t stop there! Our road trip continued to San Diego, where we met up with B’s Grandmama and Abuelo.

We visited the San Diego Zoo, toured the U.S.S Midway, saw the seals at La Jolla Beach up close, and more! It was so much fun to be able to enjoy a California vacation with B’s grandparents, who got to spend quality time and capture every moment of the adventure. And when traveling with a toddler, it’s always an adventure…

The California coast has been unseasonably warm lately, so while we were at La Jolla Beach, I let B take off his shoes and socks and put his feet in the water and splash around a bit. He was about shin-deep in the water with daddy and I was standing by the shore when all of the sudden he just started removing all of his clothes. ALL of them.

Holding in laughter, I had to convince my naked child to put his pants back on in front of dozens of tourists as he argued that he needed to go swimming. Turns out, two older boys had jumped into the water nearby and when he asked if he could, daddy responded, “you don’t have your swim shorts.” In response, B just did what he thought was practical!

His fun sense of adventure, flexibility, and positive attitude will certainly come in handy when his little brother comes along.